it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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