I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
