No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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