Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
