Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
