She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
