Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it's like iHOP with fire
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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