Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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