is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize