I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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