Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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