i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
