Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize