you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize