I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize