I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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