Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
