would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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