Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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