after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you pee in the oven last night??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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