i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Congratulations! We have a period
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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