We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
