Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
