Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
