ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
