when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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