UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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