Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Everyone says I win the strip club
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
