Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
