I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
