so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
