Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
