I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
