i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
