Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
