woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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