9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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