I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
