hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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