"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
