I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
