His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
