Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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