I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
