mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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