i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I AM VODKA MAN
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
