Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
