I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
3 2 1 whiskey
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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