I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize