Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
