I CAN MOONWALK!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
