I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize