I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
