Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
