I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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