i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
