And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
