whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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