Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
