i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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