Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
