Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
