So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
one two three fourrrrnication!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
