Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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