the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
