So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
