So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
