went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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