its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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