He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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