If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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