Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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