i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Non-Jews are for practice
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
